HANDLING HURT.

              

Truth is, somewhere along the paths we take on our journey to purpose and fulfilment and service and growth, we will meet people that cause us to question the fundamental goodness of the world. There would be people who hurt us in ways we never thought possible and with methods we had no idea existed. And it would break us and leave us feeling angry and used and mistreated and like nobody deserves what we have the capacity to bring the table. It could leave us with walls that make us feel safer and wiser and more in control. However, we will find like it is exactly like we’ve been told: “the walls that shut you in, keep others out.” It keeps you “safe” from being hurt and seemingly keeps out the unending drama and baggage that people come with. However, it also keeps out the laughter and fun and support and joy and enlightenment and all the other wonderful things that they come with too. It’s honestly like keeping animals. You can’t have a dog or cat that doesn’t poop. It would mean that it’s not alive and well. It could be trained to do so in a particular place, but you cannot train it to not poop. It just doesn’t happen.  Not unless your end goal is a dead animal. It’s kind of the same thing with people and relationships. No matter how healthy and focused and encouraging and “well trained” your relationships are, the people that love and care about you the most, will hurt you at some point. And you have to be prepared for when they do.

            We need to realize that being hurt happens to the best of us, but bitterness is all our own doing.  And nothing can cripple and hinder and confuse your journey to destiny like bitterness and hurt that is left to fester or hurt that is not properly dealt with. So, here are a few tips I think would be useful in helping us handle hurt better:

1.      Get to the root of it:

This is especially necessary for those hurt situations that get to the core of our being. Those situations that shake us so bad and cause us to question everything that we know and think we know. So, when that girl that you have invested five years of your life in suddenly breaks it off, or when that job that you sacrificed so much for withholds what is due to you or when those people that have become a fundamental part of your life start to put you down for what seems to be no reason and you’re so mad and hurt and broken, take some time and get to the root of it. You need to decide what makes it hurt so much. It might look like an unnecessary exercise, but a closer look would reveal that you’re so mad about that break-up or that job possibly  because you gave up some opportunities- important opportunities- to be by her side or to work on that deal. You probably rejected a  job in another city to make that relationship work or you missed out significantly on your children's childhood to be the best person at your job and now it seems like it was all for nothing. That, and not the ended relationship or unfair treatment, is the root cause of your anger and hurt. Being able to determine that clearly is important because it helps you know what exactly you need healing from.

2.      Allow yourself to experience what you’re feeling:

I’m a big advocate for experiencing all your emotions- including hurt, and the reason is simple: sweeping your emotions under the carpet or shoving them aside is highly unhealthy. It takes root in your subconscious and influences your decisions and lifestyle in ways that you might never be able to clearly identify unless God Himself lets you in on it.  So, you’ll be there sitting in your corner of the world thinking you’re fine and good and whole while you’re not.

So, sweetheart when you get hurt, let yourself feel it. Get out the rolls of tissue paper, cry yourself silly, eat a nice big bowl of ice cream, break stuff you won’t miss, watch sad movies… experience the hurt, layer by painful layer. It’s vital to your healing.

3.      Make a decision to get over it:

It’s okay to feel down as long as you don’t stay down. It’s great that you’ve been able to spend all those nights being honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. It’s great that you’ve been able to let yourself cry and that you’ve let yourself feel, but it’s time to move on now. And the first step to that is deciding that you’re going to move beyond it. Even though it feels like you might never be able to, make a decision that you will. Your feelings would catch up with your decision eventually.

4.      Let it go:

If you’re ever going to move beyond that hurt, you’re going to have to stop replaying it in your mind. There will be times when it flashes in your mind but consciously refuse to meditate on it and start with the “if onlys.” You need to sincerely and totally and completely let it go. For your own sake, forgive whoever is responsible for it.

I’m sure I have not been the first to notice that there are honestly people who are just out to get you. Like, for no reason whatsoever. There are also those who love you sincerely but just don’t know any better. Then they’re those who hurt you because they are hurting and their lives are a mess and they haven’t been able to realize that yet. Whichever category that person falls in, you need to learn to forgive the person anyway.

5.      Re-focus your energy:

Instead of constantly re-playing the hurt situation in your mind, try to focus your energy on building something new and doing something worthwhile.  Learn something new, build new relationships and invest in existing ones. Pour yourself into something worthwhile and take opportunities to serve. Not only will it keep you occupied, it will soothe you and help you find joy in new places.

6.      Give it time:

Realize that it will take time. It won’t happen overnight, as much as you would love it to. So, inhale, exhale and let time do what time does best. And choose to enjoy the process.

7.      Pray about it:

I have found that this always works wonders. Committing that situation day in, day out to God until it’s no longer a “situation” and following His direction on how to move beyond it, is one of the best ways to guarantee total healing.

So, I hope this post has been helpful to someone. You can let me know if it has by leaving a comment or sending me a message. You can let me know if there's something a topic you would like me to talk about too.

Have a fantastic week.