Truth is, somewhere along the paths we
take on our journey to purpose and fulfilment and service and growth, we will
meet people that cause us to question the fundamental goodness of the world.
There would be people who hurt us in ways we never thought possible and with
methods we had no idea existed. And it would break us and leave us feeling
angry and used and mistreated and like nobody deserves what we have the
capacity to bring the table. It could leave us with walls that make us feel
safer and wiser and more in control. However, we will find like it is exactly
like we’ve been told: “the walls that shut you in, keep others out.” It keeps
you “safe” from being hurt and seemingly keeps out the unending drama and
baggage that people come with. However, it also keeps out the laughter and fun
and support and joy and enlightenment and all the other wonderful things that
they come with too. It’s honestly like keeping animals. You can’t have a dog or
cat that doesn’t poop. It would mean that it’s not alive and well. It could be
trained to do so in a particular place, but you cannot train it to not poop. It
just doesn’t happen. Not unless your end
goal is a dead animal. It’s kind of the same thing with people and
relationships. No matter how healthy and focused and encouraging and “well
trained” your relationships are, the people that love and care about you the
most, will hurt you at some point. And you have to be prepared for when they
do.
We
need to realize that being hurt happens to the best of us, but bitterness is
all our own doing. And nothing can cripple
and hinder and confuse your journey to destiny like bitterness and hurt that is
left to fester or hurt that is not properly dealt with. So, here are a few tips
I think would be useful in helping us handle hurt better:
1.
Get to the root of it:
This
is especially necessary for those hurt situations that get to the
core of our being. Those situations that shake us so bad and cause us to question everything
that we know and think we know. So, when that girl that you have invested five
years of your life in suddenly breaks it off, or when that job that you sacrificed
so much for withholds what is due to you or when those people that have become a
fundamental part of your life start to put you down for what seems to be no
reason and you’re so mad and hurt and broken, take some time and
get to the root of it. You need to decide what makes it hurt so much. It might
look like an unnecessary exercise, but a closer look would reveal that you’re
so mad about that break-up or that job possibly because you gave up some opportunities- important opportunities- to be by her side or to work on that deal. You probably
rejected a job in another city to make
that relationship work or you missed out significantly on your children's childhood
to be the best person at your job and now it seems like it was all for nothing.
That, and not the ended relationship or unfair treatment, is the root cause of
your anger and hurt. Being able to determine that clearly is important because
it helps you know what exactly you need healing from.
2.
Allow yourself to experience what you’re
feeling:
I’m
a big advocate for experiencing all your emotions- including hurt, and the
reason is simple: sweeping your emotions under the carpet or shoving them aside
is highly unhealthy. It takes root in your subconscious and influences your
decisions and lifestyle in ways that you might never be able to clearly
identify unless God Himself lets you in on it.
So, you’ll be there sitting in your corner of the world thinking you’re
fine and good and whole while you’re not.
So,
sweetheart when you get hurt, let yourself feel it. Get out the rolls of tissue
paper, cry yourself silly, eat a nice big bowl of ice cream, break stuff you
won’t miss, watch sad movies… experience the hurt, layer by painful layer. It’s
vital to your healing.
3.
Make a decision to get over it:
It’s
okay to feel down as long as you don’t stay down. It’s great that you’ve been
able to spend all those nights being honest with yourself about how you’re
feeling. It’s great that you’ve been able to let yourself cry and that you’ve
let yourself feel, but it’s time to move on now. And the first step to that is
deciding that you’re going to move beyond it. Even though it feels like you
might never be able to, make a decision that you will. Your feelings would
catch up with your decision eventually.
4.
Let it go:
If
you’re ever going to move beyond that hurt, you’re going to have to stop
replaying it in your mind. There will be times when it flashes in your mind but
consciously refuse to meditate on it and start with the “if onlys.” You need to
sincerely and totally and completely let it go. For your own sake, forgive
whoever is responsible for it.
I’m
sure I have not been the first to notice that there are honestly people who are
just out to get you. Like, for no reason whatsoever. There are also those who
love you sincerely but just don’t know any better. Then they’re those who hurt
you because they are hurting and their lives are a mess and they haven’t been
able to realize that yet. Whichever category that person falls in, you need to
learn to forgive the person anyway.
5.
Re-focus your energy:
Instead of constantly re-playing the
hurt situation in your mind, try to focus your energy on building something new
and doing something worthwhile. Learn
something new, build new relationships and invest in existing ones. Pour
yourself into something worthwhile and take opportunities to serve. Not only
will it keep you occupied, it will soothe you and help you find joy in new
places.
6.
Give it time:
Realize
that it will take time. It won’t happen overnight, as much as you would love it
to. So, inhale, exhale and let time do what time does best. And choose to enjoy
the process.
7.
Pray about it:
I
have found that this always works wonders. Committing that situation day in,
day out to God until it’s no longer a “situation” and following His direction
on how to move beyond it, is one of the best ways to guarantee total healing.
So,
I hope this post has been helpful to someone. You can let me know if it has by
leaving a comment or sending me a message. You can let me know if there's something a topic you would like me to talk about too.
Have
a fantastic week.
